Not so daily thinker

"There’s a danger in loving somebody too much

And it sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust

there’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are

baby sometimes love just ain’t enough"

-= Sometimes love just ain’t enough - Patty smith =-

I try to understand the basic things about love,but when i listen to that song and  i find a big truth about that lyrics.

Sometimes when we love people too much we expect them to love as the same as much.The problem is, when you (try to) love somebody diffrent than yourself…they have a diffrent idea about love than you.So they may act diffrently on how they express they feeling.But, we just don’t get it why did they do that ? What’s the big idea ?

Some people try to do some silly things (or maybe it’s just in automatic doing silly things mode : on) when they in love, they think that silly things they do will make people they love know how much they love them.

The thing i know about love is when people in love they get excited in life.It’s like releasing a lot of endhorphine in the air surround you and you walk pass through it.Everythings seems beautiful and glitter around you.People try to change…while they should understand that the only essence of making people love you is because they just like you being who you realy are.They feel comfort with the you…not you wanna be.

I have some (a lot is not the word) experience about love, from any point of the spectrum.Been in the extreme spot to another spot and in between.I learn that when people say they love you…they just look theirself in you,they became selfish,they expect you to do the same as them…because they will get please and feel that you love them too.if and only if you do the same as they do to you that they will know you love them.

From what i experience i try to look diffrently, when i love someone i try to give them the freedom i could muster for them,try to get out of my feeling and to focus on them instead.Try not to fear or afraid of anything instead to cherish all the love and the moment they give me.

Even the slighliest notice of my day is enough, i try to be true to myself.This freedom thing i learn from my experiences and what i heard,listen,read and see.

Freedom is the biggest present i can give to someone i love,so they can grow the way they want to grow, feel what they willing to feel and love the way they want to love.It skip me from the pain and the dissapointment in my love life (and ordinary life).My mentor told me,once you could love people the same you will find that they are all special in their own way,and than the unspecial/ordinary will dissisipate.Because if there is special then there must be ordinary, not so special…but if you feel they are all the same,then,they all became special as in God eyes we are all the same.Because we are all special.

"You are special, now and will always be.For God made you all special"

"There is nothing a God Almighty create that not special,God only can create special things…that’s what She do best"

"At the beginning there is love and love becomes a man"

There something weird about my way of thinking, specially about God.It’s been a while since i ask Her about anything i want to happen in my personal live, instead i cherish everything that live (or God) offer to me.

I used to think that God is everything like man, it can be mad and vengefull,can be good and calm,can be psychotic and anger,can be mercifull and compassion.God is a mere grandeur version of a human with the super power to do anything that we cannot do as a weaklings.

Than someday,with my not so daily thinker ability (Me hate to think….me don’t think…me talk and kill and eat….heads hurt…real hurt when thinking abut God…me want to pray instead..and leave all this to others) i got some revealation.I try to change my point of view.I start to think if i got everything and can do everything why should i mad ? If i’m the ONLY and nothing in between why do i need anything ? If man is ME and universe is ME why should i punish ME ?

I try to understand the reason and God knows i try to understand Him.All of the sudden it came to me that She is not what i use to think He is.

"In the beginning there is love" That sentence always echoing in my mind now.If love there is then…why should we have hunger,war,poverty,famine and palgue ?

I want to ask God why this happen to us, i want to ask Her why didn’t He do something about it…but i’m afraid that He ask me back "Why don’t you ? you’ve got all the power I can give you, all of you."

Because i know that i haven’t done enough…and i should be love.

To be continued…

Once upon a time live a beautiful princess (at least the prince think so).This princess study abroad so she can have enough knowledge to make her country prosper.

One day while still in the foreign country, the princess got a message (sms) from the neighboring prince wish her a happy birthday.On that day forward the princess and the prince trying to get to know each other, they strife to overcome the distance (and time) between them.But, the prince never get the chance to tell him what he feel (or he forgot to remember he ever tell her about his feeling).

Finally the princess have a chance to go home and meet the prince to ask him what he is trying to say…

"Sometimes in life shit happen"

All we got to do is throw that shit,clean yourself up and move on.

I never get a chance to know and understand women, they all seems so hard to compromise.

With all the talking and listening (and the reading) this years i only understand a few basic rules in dealing with them.

1. No matter what you say or do,do not ever ever ever argue with women.They seems got all the reason in the world to make right for what they did.

2. They all love to be praised (even the fake one),learn to straight up your face while you do it(so they get the sense you mean it while you say it).

That simple rules will get me out of trouble a lot of times, not to mention the benefit i get from that golden rules.I still don’t know how or why women do what they do and think what they think,they seems generated by will (i know a lot who doesn’t) and feeling instead of thinking process (so they say).

I know a lot of women doesn’t agree with me but i just write what’s work for me from day to day.

Traditional food is always a friend of mine,the down part (or the good part) of traditional food is their lack of preserveness.

I was going to Bandung the other day with my friends.We stop at supermarket for a while to buy some snack.One of my friend want to buy vanilla essence for baking some cake.So she try to find that particular item with no expire date on it.

She said that " i need the one which have a long expire date because i can preserve it long enough."

Then, with not so daily thinker attitude i try to use my brain again (still hurt…don’t like to think…me want to kill people who try to make me use brain) and give a little thinking.

A Hundred years ago people only eat when they hungry, they only find food if they need to.They really don’t want to put some food in the shelf or store it.But today, we can store food for month even forever, we try to find a lot of method so we can store food longer.

The funny thing is we try to put our minds (me not think, me just want to eat, me hungry…me hate to put a mind or two) to do this,we find a substance to preserve it: chemicals,tin can, lead cans,stereoform,plastic,heat,sugar,salt,refrigerator, etc.

Chemicals is the issue that i like to talk about.We put a lot of chemicals to our food, from growing process,nurture process,harvest process to any process that eventually will put that food on our table.

We try to preserve our food without notice the impact it cause to our body.

"We make our food stay longer, while ourself stay shorter in this earth."

"Me hate to think …..me want to go home….me want to sleep"

Oh how i love being in Indonesia.They have the most authentic (if i’m not suppose to call it spicy) cuisine.

The cuisine just like the people..or maybe the tendencies of the people of the world.Recently i was reading a headline in some newspaper about teachers.

And with my not so daily thinker activity (caveman sound mode: on "me not think…me head hurts….me don’t think…me just smash people who order me to think…me head still hurt") i just realize that entertainer and sportsman get paid a ridiculous amount of money while teacher have to suffer from the lack of money.

They the one who make us what we are (or so),there is no leader or anything that can emerge without teachers.We just called them heroes without medal of honor (Pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa), but it seems that our country cannot honor the heroes anymore.

My grandpa once said that in time when the dutch people still reign in Indonesia,teachers is at high social society.They are proud to be teachers,people respect them.

They the one who makes the country.Much of our national heroes comes from an educational background(fundamentals, sprituals etc) ."To strife with independence is to strife with one mind " like dirty Harry always says "it’s a dirty job but teacher have to do it."

"Head hurts….cannot think no more"

Whoa finally i have my own blog ^_^

I cannot quite remember when or how i was attracted to movies.It’s like the hobbies i cannot live without.

Maybe it’s because my parents love to go to movies when i was a little and they brought me with them.I get used to watch midnight show at early age, even thou i fell asleep when we go home but i never sleep when the movie is playing…not as far as i remember.

That hobbies of mine cannot be flush away with time and space.The things keeps going following my financial status.The place maybe different but the feeling and the passion still there.